Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Man with the Golden Head

Honestly, I'm at a loss for words. I was visiting the Kawanabe Magaibutsu Matsuri (川辺まがいぶつまつり), browsing the sumo festival and nibbling on yakitori, when a huge gleaming object suddenly caught the sunlight and screams of five-year-old boys... turns out, it was some foreigner in a black cape, with his head painted gold, supporting a giant "ぶ" on his chest.

Other than a few simple instructions for the pawing schoolchildren, he seemed to focus on his insignia, "bu". Even had a few cards to hand out with a webpage address (I checked it, not working):


There's only one rational conclusion I can draw from the evidence provided; being a foreigner in Japan for so long a time not only gives you the impression that you have strange powers over the populace, but it in fact does give you superhuman abilities, to the point where one must don a cape, protect his identity, and help the helpless.

Buman is the first of his kind, a pioneer in what will no doubt be a race of super-foreigners; I myself am destined for superspeed before my time in Nippon is at an end.

We must track down this individual and unlock the secrets to his power. Although it is 99.9% certain he is still in Kawanabe, I propose a total world search:

- To my cousin in the Department of Justice, use your NSA connections and give me intel from the satellite feeds

- To my South African readers, take a hike north and search the extent of the Sahara

- Watchers of South Park, dig deep into your imagination

- Debito, if you know anyone in Duran Duran, have them search the 1980's

- Nozomu Sahashi, look through the remains of your dignity; you might want to hire some 4,000-odd people to help you

Find the man, dream to fly...

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